


Our Love Is Unironic

by DrownedTrying



Series: Homestuck Drabbles [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, F/M, Help, M/M, Oneshot, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 03:41:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13515852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrownedTrying/pseuds/DrownedTrying
Summary: A Dirk x Reader requested by sjags202 :3 Enjoy, and let me know in the comments below who you want to see next!





	Our Love Is Unironic

**Author's Note:**

  * For [InkyJaguar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkyJaguar/gifts).



> Y/N = Your Name  
> G/T = God Tier  
> H/C = Hair Color  
> E/C = Eye Color

\--timaeusTestified[TT] began pestering chumHandle[CH] at ???--

TT: Did you receive the parts yet?

CH: dirk! yeah, I did!

CH: I just have to put it together

TT: Okay, good.

TT: I added every piece of information that should be able to help you with your project.

CH: again, thank you!

TT: No problem.

TT: By the way, what, exactly, is that project of yours?

CH: I can’t tell you 0u0

CH: it’s a secret!

TT: If you say so.

CH: fuck, gotta go!

CH: wish me luck!

TT: Good luck, (Y/N).

\--chumHandle[CH] ceased pestering timaeusTestified[TT] at ???--

You log off Pesterlog, lean back in your rolly chair, and sigh. This project was kicking your ass, but you knew that in the end, it was worth it.

What was the project?

You warily look over at the jumbled mess of parts that Dirk had been sendificating you over the past few weeks. There were wires sticking out at odd ends, random pieces of metal, and a few glass bits. Unbeknownst to him, it was a small present for Dirk. You felt bad about how things had ended with Jake, and seeing Dirk tearing up at anything green, the word ‘adventure,’ any mention of skulls, and even the mere mention of the Page of Hope sent hatred spreading through your veins, but you refused to let that deter you from trying to keep Dirk happy.

The two of you would spend the weekends together watching anime, and during the week, you’d talk about anything and everything. However, when Dirk acted as if nothing bothered him, you knew he was drowning in his depression. It was clear he wasn’t eating, and the Prince looked paler than normal. His voice had this robotic tone to it, and half the time, you weren’t even sure if you were talking to Dirk or to his AR on the phone. You expressed your findings to Roxy, and though she and Jane were busy with keeping Jake from doing anything stupid (Oh, how you wish he would), they made sure to spend time with the weeaboo as well.

**(Y/N) === > Tell us about the project already.**

Oh! Right. 

You spent so much time gazing at the pile of parts and thinking about what happened to Dirk, you completely forgot to talk about the actual project itself.

**(Y/N) === > Hurry up. We’re busy people, and we want to read what happens. Get on with it!**

Okay, okay! 

_Geez._

These people can be pretty pushy, can’t they?

**(Y/N) === > Stop babbling to yourself or we’re leaving.**

_Fine._

Anyways, before the odd voice in your head threatens to shut down the rest of the story, you decide to go stop babbling to yourself. Of course, you say this purely to mock the bolded text that tells you what to do, as if they’re some person behind a screen of some sorts, typing out commands and demanding that you do as you say _right this **instant!**_

You smirk to yourself as the bolded text person _thing_ realizes you wasted more of their valuable time.

Anyways, on with the story.

The project.

The one for Dirk.

Yes, that one.

It’s supposed to be a-

**Dirk === > Wallow in self hatred.**

Too late for _that._ You were already wallowing in self hatred. 

Your orange eyes stare at the ceiling, tears burning at your eyes. It was clear (Y/N), Roxy, and Jane were trying to distract you, and though you appreciate it, you don’t have the guts to tell them that their attempts aren’t working. The selfie you and Jake had taken lit up your phone, a clear attempt of the Page trying to contact you.

You ignore it, as always.

Though, if you were being honest to yourself, all you wanted to do was pick up your phone and read the messages your ex was sending you. However, AR blocked you from doing so. He had revealed that the girls asked him to prevent you from reading them.

But what if it was important? What if Jake was in trouble? If he, for some reason, wanted to get back with you? 

You knew the last question was extremely unlikely, but nothing can stop a man from hoping. 

Groaning, you drape your arms over your eyes, your aviators dangling loosely in your right hand. You didn't have the energy to put them on, though the dim light in your room burned your eyes. For a sick and twisted moment, you believe that you deserve it. 

Of course you do.

You were too pushy with Jake. Too clingy, too needy, and always wanting to spend every nanosecond with him. At first, you didn't know anything was wrong, because he never said anything to you. Then he distanced himself, and while you didn't know why, you kept trying to fix it. You tried and you failed. _Miserably._ Maybe you're just meant to be alone… You destroyed Jake's heart, so why should you be given the chance to do it again?

“Dirk, Jane is attempting to call you. Should I answer and say you're not up for talking?” Oh. AR. You almost forgot about him. Almost. It's strange to see him care, in his robotic way. You don't remember installing a _Give two shits about Dirk_ software into him when you built him. Maybe he _is_ becoming human, in his own way.

“No,” you say, your voice rough. You had spent the whole night crying, so you don't see why it wouldn't be. “I can answer.” Reaching over, you grabbed your orange and green phone, swiping the green button to the right.

“Dirk!” the baker exclaims once you pick up. Even though you saw her the night before, you admit you missed the sound of her voice.

“Sup, Jane?” You could practically hear your heart breaking in your own words, and you were hoping Jane didn't.

“Have you been crying?” _Shit._

“No,” you delude, the lie sliding off your tongue. It leaves a sour taste in its wake.

“I know you're lying. There's no need to hide it,” Jane scolds. You wince, blinking back tears. “You know we're all here for you, and it's okay if you want to cry. No one blames you, Dirk.” _I do. Jake does._

“I'm fine, Jane. Really. I'm as fine as Kim Kardashian’s ass.” Okay, that was a really, _really_ shitty metaphor and you know it, but you can't find yourself to care.

“No, you're not. That's why I'm calling,” she says smugly. You can already tell you don't like where this is going.

“To remind me of how big of a fuck-up I am?” You can't help but be bitter. This whole situation is bitter, and it never should’ve happened in the first place.

“No. That's not true and you know it,” Jane snaps, a harsh tone to her voice. Once again, you wince.

“Then what is it?”

“(Y/N) is having a movie night in a few days and wants you to come,” the Maid informs. You furrow your eyebrows, expecting worse, but receiving better news.

“I talked to her a little while ago. Why wouldn't she call me or pester me instead?” you question. It baffled you, really, but you'll dwell on it later.

“From what Roxy told me, (Y/N)’s working on some sort of project, and it's been taking up all her time,” Jane says. You frown.

“I just sent her the last parts to her project this morning, so she must've started working on it immediately. Any idea on what she's making?” Jane sputters over the phone, and you sit up, a dark blonde eyebrow raised. “Jane?”

“Nope! I don't! Ahahaha, would you look at the time! I've got to be going!” the Maid babbles, making you frown more.

“Tell me what she's working on,” you demand. 

“See you in a few days!” she rushes.

“Jane. Don't you dare hang up the-”

**_Beep!_ **

Son of a bitch.

“It seems Jane knows what (Y/N)’s working on,” AR pipes up.

“Shut up.”

**(Y/N) === > Get the movie ready.**

Done!

Wiping your hands on a paper towel, you smile at your living room. The main title to _My Little Pony: Equestria Girls_ is displayed on your tv screen, upbeat music pumping through the speakers. A bowl of popcorn sits on the coffee table, next to a small dish of nacho cheese, bottles of Faygo, a bowl of chocolates, and bowls for ice cream, which is still in your freezer. The finished project was neatly hidden away, and you hope no one finds it before it's the right time. You glance at the wall clock and grin. Your guests should be arriving any moment now.

“(Y/N)!!” You make your way to the front door as quickly as you can upon hearing Roxy’s most-likely intoxicated cry. Throwing the door open, you grin wider than before.

Roxy’s attire consisted of bubblegum pink skinny jeans, light purple converses, and in the same shade of purple as her shoes, a sweater littered with black silhouettes of cats. Her fingernails were painted bubblegum pink as well, four fingers on each hand spelling _Meow_ in black and a pawprint on the remaining finger. She's carrying a few bags of chips and two bottles of wine, which seems to be her norm.

Jane wears a pair of capris and a simple cotton candy blue shirt, _I bake because punching people is frowned upon_ stated proudly in black, bold letters. Her shirt makes you chuckle a bit. She holds a cake decorated in lime green, bubblegum pink, cotton candy blue, and a warm orange. Just the sight of it makes you drool.

Last but not least, Dirk. He stands behind the girls, looking off to the side, but is careful not to let you, nor the girls, see his bright eyes. He wears a leather jacket over a casual orange shirt, black skinny jeans hugging his legs in all the right places, and orange Tillys adorning his feet. In one hand is a large bag of nacho cheese Doritos, while the other is his phone. Despite him being extremely upset recently, he appears to keep his appearance calm, cool, and collected. 

But _damn_ does he look good.

“Hey, guys! Come on in! You know where to put the snacks,” you pipe, moving aside to let your friends in. One by one, they pass you. Jane, then Roxy, and finally, Dirk. You can't help but breathe in as he walks passed you, his tangerine scent sending shivers down your spine. 

**(Y/N) === > Confess your undying love to him.**

What?!

No. There's no way in _Hell_ that you would ever do that! He likes guys, and there's nothing you can do about it! Besides, you know he'll never feel the same way you do, and you're okay with it.

...Even though it hurts.

You mentally shake your head and smile, closing the front door before following your friends to the living room. Dirk was seated on the couch, his thumbs moving so fast, they were a blur as he pesters someone. He doesn't even seem to notice what movie you picked out for him. 

Maybe he's getting tired of you, just as Jake got tired of hi-

_No._ You will _NOT_ be thinking that way. You invited your friends over for a movie night, and as the host, you'll pull the best movie night in the history of movie nights!

“Heya, Dirk!” Said Strider nods slightly to you, still glued to his phone.

“Sup.” Your smile falters for a moment, but you quickly place it back on your face. You can't help but feel as if he distanced himself, just as what the Page did to him. 

“Just getting the final things ready for the movie night. Are you excited?” you ask. Your stomach drops as he shrugs, still not sparing you even a glance. The smile on your face falters again, and you take that as a sign to abscond. “Okay, well, I'll come back once I get everything finished! See ya!” And like a fucking boss, you abscond the _fuck_ outta there and to the kitchen, helping Jane with the cake and keeping Roxy out of the wine.

**Dirk === > Stop being a douche to your friend.**

Oh shit.

You didn't even know you were being a douche, but it was pretty obvious you were. Now that you think about it, you faintly remember a hurt look on (Y/N)’s face as she all but runs to the kitchen. God _damn_ it.

You fucked up again.

Sighing, you put your phone down and lower your head to rest in the palms of your hands. You take a few deep breaths, trembling slightly as you forced yourself to calm down and to fight the tears that threatened to fall. Of all people, you just had to go and hurt _her,_ just as Jake did to you, and on a movie night, no less. 

You had been talking to Karkat about the situation, but all he could say was, “THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS IN MY ROMCOMS. THE GIRL IS FLUSHED RED FOR THE BOY, THE BOY IS GOING THROUGH A BAD BREAKUP, AND THE TWO FUCKING BECOME MATESPRITS.” Try as you might to reason with the troll, he was having none of it. Though, it made you wonder if (Y/N) was actually interested in you. She was polite, funny, caring, and always made sure to listen to your problems. She wasn't afraid to let you cry on her shoulder, but that could just mean that she's a good friend, right?

You weren't so sure.

Upon hearing the girls make their way to the living room, you sit back up and exit out of Pesterchum, not even bothering to read Karkat's latest rant about the topic. He says he knows what he's saying, but you really don't want to focus on that right now. Instead, you finally look up and see one of your favorite movies on the screen. You don't know how you missed it before, but god damn. You must be fucking blind.

“Are you guys ready to start the movie?” (Y/N) asks, her voice as smooth as silk. You nod, not trusting your voice. Roxy plops down next to you, somehow not spilling her glass of wine.

“I thought you said you'd stop drinking,” you say, frowning.

“And he speaks!” Roxy laughs, her words slurring. You roll your eyes and put your phone in your pocket, refusing to look at your host. Said host starts the movie, moving to sit as far from you as she could without falling off the couch. Jane glances between the two of you, but says nothing. 

No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't pay attention to the movie, nor eat any of the snacks available. Your mind was filled with walls of angry gray text, trying to see the reasoning behind Karkat’s words and trying to convince yourself that (Y/N) felt nothing towards you. Sighing softly, you give up on trying to watch the movie and close your eyes, deciding to think it over without having a cute blue pegasus try to distract you with her awesomeness.

**(Y/N) === > Give Dirk his present.**

You wish you could, but you can't. 

Dirk left immediately after the first movie without notice, leaving you to wonder what the hell you did to make him so mad at you.

“He's just going through a hard time,” Jane had said. You just smiled and nodded your head, but you couldn't get over the fact that Dirk was more than likely fed up with you. Tonight only proved it.

Now, you stared at the orange-wrapped present blankly, tears burning your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. You wouldn't show weakness to someone who obviously doesn't care, and though you may be overreacting a bit, you knew Dirk will never feel the same way about you, nor would he go to the same lengths you had with him to make sure you're happy. 

You begin to wonder if you should just throw the present away, but the better part of you decides against it. You worked your ass off on it, and if he doesn't want it, fine. Someone else might.

Shifting in your bed, you face the wall. Roxy and Jane had left a few movies after Dirk left, making sure you knew they cared. They were the only ones who knew you cared about the blonde male in _that_ way, and though it kills Roxy to keep it a secret, they made sure not to say anything without consulting with you first, and you were grateful for it. 

With nothing else to do, you close your eyes and attempt to sleep.

**Dirk === > Save the (G/T).**

Cuts and bruises litter your body, your hands cramping from gripping your katana tightly. An unexpected fleet of drones from your timeline had made an appearance, catching everyone off guard and unprepared to fight. 

Your first thought was to get everyone to safety, but when that proved to be impossible, your goal changed to protecting your friends. Glancing around, you check on your teammates. Roxy seems to be holding her ground pretty well, and Jane was more than likely helping the others heal. You saw a glimpse of Jake, but that only lasted a moment. He sent an apologetic smile your way before dashing off, guns blazing and shorts up to his ass. 

The trolls, alongside your bro, Rose, Jade, and John, were trying to lure the drones away from the designated safe zone, leaving you to take care of the rogues. Out of the hundreds that had shown up, you were left with around forty to sixty drones, and slowly but surely, they were meeting the edge of your blade. 

“Dirk, come in, Dirk,” Dave was saying, not sounding the least out of breath. You decapitate a drone before taking a second to breathe.

“Sup, bro?” You note a drone to your left, and one trying to sneak up from behind and quickly take them out. “Is everyone safe?”

“(Y/N)’s gone.” His words strike you like a sword through the chest, all oxygen deciding to exit your body in a single fluid, painful movement. “We can't find her anywhere.” You feel your knees begin to give out under you, your heart feeling as if it stopped beating.

“W-What?” you stammer, not caring about how _weak_ you sound. Dave pauses, surprised by your stammering.

“Tell him to hurry the fuck up and find her! We need her **now!”** Karkat screams through Dave’s end. You swallow thickly and mute them, flashstepping around the drones with the (H/C) girl being your main priority. With every step you take, memories of her flash before your eyes.

_C’mon, Dirk, it’s not as bad as you think!” (Y/N) laughs. You look down the side of the cliff and into the water, sharp rocks almost directly under you. It was one of her dream bubbles, a cliff with a clear blue lake under it. The girl had somehow talked you into cliff diving with her, but now, you seriously regret agreeing to this._

_“Oh hell no. You and I both know that I’ll end up killing myself,” you argue. Goosebumps cover your almost-completely naked body, and you can’t help but glance at your friend in her (F/C) bikini. She looked_ amazing, _but you couldn’t bring yourself to tell her that. Part of you feels terrible for thinking of her like this while you’re still with Jake, but at the same time, it feels so_ right.

“Fuck,” you mutter, looking around you at your surroundings frantically as panic settles in. “(Y/N)... Where are you?!”

_”Open your eyes,” you whisper, smirking. (E/C) eyes slowly open, only to squeeze themselves shut as (Y/N) pinches the bridge of her (S/C) nose. “What do you think?”_

_“I think you’re absolutely insane,” she grumbles, removing her hand to give you an unamused look. You give her a rare grin, proud of your creation._

_“I’m a genius and you know it.” (Y/N) only rolls her eyes._

_“Whatever you say, Dirk. Just tell me one thing,”she says, her voice as sweet as honey, no matter how much disappointment fills it. You hum, urging her to continue. “How the hell are we going to get a one hundred foot smuppet out of my fucking house?!”_

You’re panting now, and your body begins to tremble. You can’t seemed to find the (H/C) haired girl, and you’re scared. The drones are at your heels, but you couldn’t rest until you found he-

“(Y/N?)” you breathe. Off in the distance, a blob of color that looks _exactly_ like her god tier pajamas stands out among the pieces of destroyed drones. The blob doesn’t move, and with the fear of losing her, you flashstep as fast as you could towards her.

_”What did I do to make you so angry at me?!” her gentle voice cries, pain as clear as day. You grit your teeth and continue to storm away, but you’re stopped as her small hand grabs your arm tightly._

_“Let go of me!” you scream, yanking your arm away. (Y/N) stumbles forward, barely catching herself before she faceplants the ground._

_“Just tell me what I did, and I’ll fix it! I promise!” she begs. You turn and glare at her, not caring that she begins to shake and cry._

_“You’re being an annoying, clingy, needy_ bitch! _Do us all a favor and go fucking die already!” You watch as your words sink in, how her heart shatters before your very eyes. You were angry, but not at her. You were so angry with yourself because you let her get close, you let her steal your heart, and you let her get hurt. You don’t want to hurt her anymore. All you want is to say you’re sorry, go back in time, and fix things. Be the person she doesn’t want, but the person she_ needs. _But it’s too late. Nothing you say can or do will fix the words you had screamed at her, words that were meant to be directed at you and you alone. She goes silent, tears streaming down her face as she lowers her head._

_“If that’s what you really want,” she speaks, her voice lacking emotion. It pains you to hear her sound so broken, and though you open your mouth to talk, to apologize, no words come out, “I’ll do it.” You reach out to her, your orange eyes wide as you realize she meant what she said, but she sprints to a transportalizer and disappears before you can stop her._

_This was the last time you spoke to her._

“Jesus Christ, c’mon, (Y/N), you can’t die on me yet,” you tell her, picking up her limp body. Her godly pajamas are drenched in her own blood, a large hole in her chest with her blood pouring out at an alarming rate. Tears fall from your eyes as she struggles to breathe, as she chokes on her own blood. “No, don’t you fucking talk, and don’t you fucking die. You’re going to survive this, okay? Just stay with me.” (Y/N) shakes her head, a small gesture that releases a sob from your lips.

“D...rk…” she rasps, a bloodied hand weakly reaching for your face. You finally collapse to your knees, holding the girl closely as you cry. This will be the end for her, but you weren’t ready. You never were, and never will be.

“Please don’t die,” you beg, holding her closer. She coughs up blood, but you don’t find it anywhere in you to care as you rock her back and forth. Seconds seem like hours, but you finally lift your head when you feel her tug on your shirt. Resting gently on her opposite hand was a mechanical seagull, its bright orange eyes watching you intently. It tilts its silver head, adjusting its metal wings. It takes you a moment to register that this was her project, this was what she was making for you.

“I’ll...die...for you...my Prince…” (Y/N) gurgles, blood dripping from her nose and mouth. You stare at her, tears falling faster than before. “You...wanted me...to...right?”

“No! I don’t want you to die! I was being an asshole when I said that! You’ll make it through this, I know you will!”you burst. She only watches as you cry, catching your attention when she raises a hand. A bright light explodes from her palm and next to your head, the crunching sound of a drone crashing to the ground mere feet away from you following a moment after. Your eyes are wide as her head rolls back, her once-bright (E/C) orbs completely dull and void of life. The mechanical seagull lowers its head, the orange glow disappearing as it seemingly closes its eyes. The gift (Y/N) had worked so hard on for you is now the only thing you have left of her.

A scream rips itself from your throat as **Heroic** shines in a lime green over her head, announcing that the (G/T) is permanently dead.


End file.
